Thursday, April 2, 2009

The pug with no eyes.

I have a funny story. Mebbe not so funny to you but to me it was freaking HILARIOUS! Let me start you off with a joke to get you into the correct frame of mind.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer (get it no idea-r)?

Hmmmm - not sure how this is gonna translate in written form vs. orally?

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
STILL no eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?
(shake your head sadly and say it a bit slower when you deliver this line)
Still no fucking eye deer.

And now that you are properly prepared, here is the story of The Pug with No Eyes.

I went to the CSU vet hospital to get Mojo. He was in for a re-check and I had to pay my bill. I was waiting in line at the payment desk and there is this lady in front of me with a coal black pug. She was holding it like a baby, cradled in her arm with it's little paws and belly exposed.....

There were two old people sitting down behind us. The old lady had a walker and an oxygen tank and the old man was portly with hearing aids and when he talks he talks very loudly! They were waiting for their little, ancient, dog to arrive after having paid their bill.

So the old man says - "lookit that dog, he's sleepin'!" (indicating the pug)

The lady holding the pug says, "no, she has no eyes"

Sure 'nuff this dog had no eyes... omg I wanted to start laughing because you know how pug's heads are sorta round and like billiard balls anyway... and it was black and no discernable eyes or dents for eyes or scars where eyes were... it looked hilarious.

The old man - "you mean she's blind?"

Lady - "no. I mean she has no eyes."

The old man is totally flabbergasted.... and is like sputtering

Lady - "she had her eyes removed when she was 9 wks old and she is 9 yrs old now. She acts like any other dog. She doesn't know she doesn't have eyes"

And this dog is being held like a baby and has no eyes and it's tongue is sticking out of it's little smooshed pug mouth with it's jaws closed and it's little eyebrows are working - going up and down like Groucho Marx as it's listening to everything around it I guess.... so yeah, just looked frickin hilarious!

Then the lady with her no eyed pug is called forward to pay. While she's writing a check she puts the pug on the floor. It is circling her and if it wanders more than a foot away the lady says, "here" and the pug comes right back - next to her legs.... it is snorffling around sniffing at the floor and wall etc and wagging it's tail and obviously in good health.

And then... I wanted to pee my pants.

The pug stands right in front of this lady and is LOOKING up at her. Ears alert, STARING UP - like if you were to have a treat for your dog and they are all focused on the treat? Only there are no eyes and it just struck me as being so funny!!

The old man says, "Well, will ya lookit that. She's got a nose. And she's got ears. But she's got no eyes!"

oh man - it is amazing that I kept my face neutral... I wanted to be rolling on the floor with the hilarity of it.


DebH said...

I am afraid, I would of made quite the scene...especially if my sister were standing anywhere in site..the two of us would of been escourted off the property. (of course while burstin at the seams)
I can picture it!!!

Shanster said...

It's only cuz I was alone... if any of my friends were with me or if Furry Husband was with me, I would have been reduced to a puddle on the floor!

Anonymous said...

OMG shan I am laughing to friggen hard right now:)

Kelley said...

how did you NOT pee in your pants!?!?!? I would have had to leave..... but I'm sure I would have not been able to, because then I'd have missed something.