Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mornings at our house

Before we had our pens and lean-to's for the horses arranged the way we wanted them, Brandon, our old gelding, used to look in our bedroom window which is just on the other side of the front pasture fence. He'd stare at our bed through the window and if he saw any movement, any movement at all, he'd nicker.

And there he would be - innocently blinking and staring in our window waiting for us to get the heck outta bed. Brandon lives outside and he's in a spot where he can't peep in the window giving us a morning wake-up call anymore.

Furry Husband and I have a much more dastardly, nefarious morning crew to deal with IN the house. It's not pretty. If you are squeamish, you might want to stop reading now.

Meet Split Pea Soup - aka - Meow Meow - aka - Mi Mi Mi Mi
Don't let her cute little roll in the dust fool you. She waits until early morning and she nuzzles in my hair looking for.... for.... a nipple? It tickles and gives me goosebumps. Tho she prefers to call it "the nuzzle of death". It means we have been targeted.

It's only the beginning ......

This rarely photographed group are the masterminds of all early morning activity.

I captured this clandestine meeting with the camera one afternoon while they were distracted by their nemesis, Squirrel.

I have walked in on them huddled together, paws across each others shoulders strategizing ways to get us up earlier but they've always immediately gone their separate ways leaving me with no proof.

Punkin aka Fatass -- bringer of voles. Her specialty is laying at the foot of the bed immobile in her rotund-ness.

We can't stretch out or move our feet. Our bodies become cramped and frozen in a pose.
Man's best friend? HA! I don't think so. Not when it's 5:00AM. That little one there on the left? Toe. Toe's forte' is whining in a barely audible whine and gently, ever so gently bumping the door on his kennel for a persistent little rattle, jingle, shake.
The innocent looking middle dog? Hardly. Bequia becomes suspiciously itchy in her kennel at 5:00 AM. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch ending with a loud, ear flapping, full body shake.
That biggest dog there - Sammy - he lets the others take the blame for waking us up. He prefers to skulk around the farmyard lifting lids on grain containers, eating his fill and keeping us up with worry at night about possible exploding bodily functions.... he prefers the psychological games.

Meet Mojo aka Midji Modji aka Mr. Nipples aka Kong
Mojo is one of the three masterminds. He's the muscle of the group. He took some mutant growth steroids as a wee kitten and shot up to 25lbs of miniature panther trapped in the body of a domestic short hair feline.
Mojo cries.
He sounds like an infant wanting his 3AM feeding.
Mojo likes to walk across the tops of our pillows at 1AM.
He earns bonus points with the ringleader of the group if he can step on my hair, pulling piece after piece with eye-watering results. Back and forth he goes, all 25lbs marching across our pillow tops demanding attention.

Another of the trio is Robinella Buzzerbomb aka Buzzer Cat. Buzzer hits us up around 4:30AM. She has an uncanny "feel" for human bladders full of urine.
She jumps onto the bed and lands directly in the middle of your overly full bladder.
I'm amazed Furry Husband and I haven't soiled our bedclothes now that I think of it.
If she can't wake us up with the torturous bladder walk, she begins purring into her hidden megaphone (think glass packs on a car) to amplify the sound taking turns every 4.8 seconds lying on Furry Husband and lying on me. Keeps us guessing.
I think she's been working on the psychological side with Sammy.

The mastermind of the crew is Itty Bitty Opal Kitty.

Itty Bitty relies on her beauty and youth to lure us into a false sense of security. Oh sure, she cuddles with us during the day, all innocence and purity in our laps taunting us with her silky fur for petting.
At 4:00AM she oozes pure evil - pouncing on any exposed body part with skill and precision to maim or destroy. She digs frantically at the blankets covering our battered and abused bodies looking for skin to shred.
She's bloodthirsty that one.

The only one of the group to elude the camera is Banana Puddin' aka Pudgy. She is pure white with blue eyes... she preferes to move about the house like a ghost. You'll never see Pudge coming. Never.
Furry Husband and I would report these crimes against us... only we are afraid. Afraid for our lives....
Shhhh! Here comes one of them now! Don't tell them I've been talking to you ... please... my life depends on it!


Dedene said...

How funny! Evil, evil kitties.

Our dog barks around 4am because he gets bored.

DebH said...

what a gorgeous bunch and the best descriptions too! How did Punkin get down from there? She looks huge!! Your puppys look like they all have the gentle eye thing going...gad I love that!
Boy do I understand that night time feline noises and assaults. Those kittys have the life. :)

Shanster said...

Dedene - VERY evil kitties by night. Sweet kitties by daylight... vampires? Do you bark back so he isn't so bored? It's your duty ya know... ha!

DebH - thanks we love them all! Punkin gets way up there and we never really know how she gets up or comes down?! She is magic. Yes, our pups are all really good dogs...happy to lick you to death. Anyone with ani-mules in the house is familiar with the hostage techniques they can and will employ! grin.

Cheryl said...

That's quite a posse you got there! With all of them constantly plotting how to get their owners to do their bidding. Good thing they're so cute!

Heather said...

I had just been wondering about your old gelding, he has cushings right? How is he doing this winter?

Yeah, pets are bad at night. When Charley wants up he rests his chin on the bed and breathes loudly into your face. No noise, no whining, just heavy sighs and puffs of dog breath in your face.

Gotta love 'em!

Shanster said...

Cheryl - good thing! grin

Heather - he's got his good days and bad days... but he's hanging in there and always hungry for his supper so I'd say he's good!

Oh Charley! What a cutie he is... dog breath and all!

Kelley said...

They have you out numbered..... maybe you need to have a Secret Signal... like a red flag or flashing lights.... just in case trap you in the house FOREVER and you need help??? : )

Oh, that's right, Mrs. Kravets the neighbor will keep an eye on you and see that the pets have you locked in. hee!hee!