And there he would be - innocently blinking and staring in our window waiting for us to get the heck outta bed. Brandon lives outside and he's in a spot where he can't peep in the window giving us a morning wake-up call anymore.
Furry Husband and I have a much more dastardly, nefarious morning crew to deal with IN the house. It's not pretty. If you are squeamish, you might want to stop reading now.
Meet Split Pea Soup - aka - Meow Meow - aka - Mi Mi Mi Mi
Don't let her cute little roll in the dust fool you. She waits until early morning and she nuzzles in my hair looking for.... for.... a nipple? It tickles and gives me goosebumps. Tho she prefers to call it "the nuzzle of death". It means we have been targeted.
It's only the beginning ......
This rarely photographed group are the masterminds of all early morning activity.
I captured this clandestine meeting with the camera one afternoon while they were distracted by their nemesis, Squirrel.
I have walked in on them huddled together, paws across each others shoulders strategizing ways to get us up earlier but they've always immediately gone their separate ways leaving me with no proof.
Punkin aka Fatass -- bringer of voles. Her specialty is laying at the foot of the bed immobile in her rotund-ness.
We can't stretch out or move our feet. Our bodies become cramped and frozen in a pose.
Man's best friend? HA! I don't think so. Not when it's 5:00AM. That little one there on the left? Toe. Toe's forte' is whining in a barely audible whine and gently, ever so gently bumping the door on his kennel for a persistent little rattle, jingle, shake.
The innocent looking middle dog? Hardly. Bequia becomes suspiciously itchy in her kennel at 5:00 AM. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch ending with a loud, ear flapping, full body shake.
That biggest dog there - Sammy - he lets the others take the blame for waking us up. He prefers to skulk around the farmyard lifting lids on grain containers, eating his fill and keeping us up with worry at night about possible exploding bodily functions.... he prefers the psychological games.
Mojo is one of the three masterminds. He's the muscle of the group. He took some mutant growth steroids as a wee kitten and shot up to 25lbs of miniature panther trapped in the body of a domestic short hair feline.
He sounds like an infant wanting his 3AM feeding.
Mojo likes to walk across the tops of our pillows at 1AM.
He earns bonus points with the ringleader of the group if he can step on my hair, pulling piece after piece with eye-watering results. Back and forth he goes, all 25lbs marching across our pillow tops demanding attention.
Another of the trio is Robinella Buzzerbomb aka Buzzer Cat. Buzzer hits us up around 4:30AM. She has an uncanny "feel" for human bladders full of urine.
She jumps onto the bed and lands directly in the middle of your overly full bladder.
I'm amazed Furry Husband and I haven't soiled our bedclothes now that I think of it.
If she can't wake us up with the torturous bladder walk, she begins purring into her hidden megaphone (think glass packs on a car) to amplify the sound taking turns every 4.8 seconds lying on Furry Husband and lying on me. Keeps us guessing.
I think she's been working on the psychological side with Sammy.
The mastermind of the crew is Itty Bitty Opal Kitty.
Itty Bitty relies on her beauty and youth to lure us into a false sense of security. Oh sure, she cuddles with us during the day, all innocence and purity in our laps taunting us with her silky fur for petting.
At 4:00AM she oozes pure evil - pouncing on any exposed body part with skill and precision to maim or destroy. She digs frantically at the blankets covering our battered and abused bodies looking for skin to shred.
She's bloodthirsty that one.
The only one of the group to elude the camera is Banana Puddin' aka Pudgy. She is pure white with blue eyes... she preferes to move about the house like a ghost. You'll never see Pudge coming. Never.
Furry Husband and I would report these crimes against us... only we are afraid. Afraid for our lives....
Shhhh! Here comes one of them now! Don't tell them I've been talking to you ... please... my life depends on it!