How did I get HERE? : Nuts...

I have a testicle collection. Yes. They are real testicles - animal testicles.

Let me preface a bit before you go runnin' to call 911.

I was an Animal Science major in college.

My course work included talking about how much semen boars, bulls, stallions produce and how often they could be "collected". I watched the collection of bulls and stallions in reproduction labs.

Horses definately have more fun - they get a life size dummy of a mare, an artificial vagina heated up specifically to mare body temperature, sized to house a stallion's penis, lube and someone actually holds it for them while they bow-chika-bow-bow. If they don't get it IN the AV someone will actually grab it and put it in for them. (AV = artificial vagina and lemme tell you - the first time I was in a corporate setting and someone called for the AV guy?? with everyone in suits and in a meeting I about crapped my pants.)

Bulls are put in stocks - a restraint system - and someone shoves and electro-ejaculator in their ass. The electro-ejaculator is like a really really HUGE stainless steel bullet and the electricity is slowly cranked up until the bull ejaculates. Sounds like fun but after watching? Yeah. Bull not having fun.

I've had my hand up the ass of a cow to feel it's uterus through the rectum wall. When I couldn't feel anything other than the sensation that my arm was in a pile of hot mashed potatoes from the tip of my fingers to my shoulder... and this is after I pulled all the shit out of said cow .... I watched HORRIFIED as the instructor slid his arm right in next to mine.

I still never felt the uterus even tho' the instructor claims he had my hand right on it. If I knew they were gonna double fist you girl, I would have kept my mouth shut! (Remember I was a city kid straight out of suburbia)

I developed feed rations and we talked about fistulated cows. A fistulated cow has a "window" into it's digestive system. There is literally a hole in the side of a cow that researchers can open and look in - or extract whatever feedstuffs they want to see. Always makes me think of those new fangled front load washers and dryers.

I've seen complete digestive systems from tongue to asshole laid out on a floor for inspection, identification and discussion.

I had a Live Animal / Carcass Evaluation class. We saw the pig, sheep, cow etc. the first week alive and the next week on a meat hook dressed out. (Remember Rocky breaking the ribs of the cow carcass? Like that.)

I went to a class called "Principals of Meat Science" where I learned what was in the oreo cookie filling and what turkey hotdogs were made of.

I've been in labs where there are dead dogs, cats, horses... etc. cut a gazillion different ways so you could identify muscle, skeletal and nervous systems.

And a lot of my friends are either fellow animal science people, veterinarians or have the same sick sense of humor that I do.

Now, on to my testicle collection!

It all started when I bought this Holsteiner foal in-utero. I worked 2 jobs to save the money to buy him and I had waited YEARS to have a warmblood horse. When it came time to geld him (neuter him) I didn't want any piece or part of this horse to go in the trash. I asked the vet if we could save Callaloo's testicles? She thought I was crazy but rolled her eyes and went along with it.

Our small animal vet got wind of my request and thought it was so funny that when a mutual friend had her rabbit neutered, the vet gave me Peter rabbit's testicles as a joke.

When we had our "show" dog, Booker, neutered because I was tired of the whole "Best in Show" dog show madness. (It is really like that in the dog show world. ) I figured - why not keep those too?

Mojo, our giant black cat, was neutered and heck - let's keep the collection going!

All the testicles have a side benefit of Furry Husband thinking I could pull a Lorraine Bobbit on him any time... I'm tellin' ya gals. Walk softly and carry many testicles.