Gloom...

Christmas. meh. I'm just really not into it this year. We put some lights out and that helps - the Christmas lights are so cheerful. Bright spots in the dark and cold of winter.

Furry Husband brought home a new blue spruce Christmas tree for me. Not a decoratin' tree, but a real tree - it's small and we'll plant it in the spring. Hopefully we won't kill it like we did our last real Christmas tree.

We delivered Christmas cheese last night. I've been on a big cheese making kick - chevre and fromage blanc for Christmas instead of cookies for our neighbors. Some was flavored with basil and pine nuts, some with garlic and dill and I gave the Dailey's some honey and cinnamon flavored chevre cuz I think Bill has a sweet tooth. I have a couple more containers to flavor and hand out... and I'll make some more for us to eat over Christmas. I can't believe I was ever afraid of making that cheese. It is SO easy and SO tasty!

We are going to the Denver Botanic Gardens light display on the 27th and that is going to be KEWL. The people that put that together are amazing. It is so beautiful and creative. I love it. This year they have this lighted holiday trail in the woods... I'm really looking forward to seeing that and smooching Furry Husband under the misletoe.

Tonight we are going to our favorite neighbor's house to celebrate Christmas Eve. We get take and bake pizzas from Cozzola's - a local mouth watering pizzeria - we drink lots and lots o' wine ala Furry Husband and we play games. It is really cozy and comfortable.

Christmas - not so much this year. Funny cuz last year's Christmas was fine. Ignorance is bliss and all that. If you read Secret Life of Bees, there is this realization Lily has at the end that once the truth is realized, you can't go back.

I really hesitate to use this blog for doom and gloom cuz it's not usually who I am. I'm really not out looking for sympathy and I absolutely know that I have not cornered the market on wierd family dynamics. There are plenty of those sorta books out there "Wolf at the Table", "Running with Scissors", "Mommie Dearest", "Prince of Tides" ... who wants another sob story about dysfunction? We all have stuff. I just happen to be struggling with mine more than usual this year.

I went to the P.O. over the weekend to pick up what I thought was going to be a picture ticket cuz I went thru a 'lellow light, there was this flash and I thought - crap - photo ticket! I would rather have a photo ticket.

I got another letter from the IRS cuz they are after my Dad and I'm his power of atty so I get that kind of thing. How one person could fuck themselves so thoroughly and so completely I have no idea. So y'know it doesn't really help my gloomy feelings this year.

Maybe I should think of it as a Christmas greeting from the guv'ment? A little "Hullo! We are thinking of you!" I am so over it and so frustrated by it all that I threw the letter away at the post office. I probably shouldn't have, but the IRS is gonna do what it wants.

I got this Christmas picture from my sister with her new baby, Olivia yesterday. I wouldn't say this to HER, but it's in profile and she's looking down at Olivia... her hair is up sorta in a clip.... she has her glasses on.... um.... it looks like Sarah Palin is smiling benevolently down at Olivia. Ewww.

Anyway. Tomorrow is Christmas I will go to Denver and try to master or at least hide my "bah-humbug" attitude.

I keep wishing on the first star I see at night and I keep praying to whatever is out there... help me to just let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Doesn't help that it's been too damn cold to ride lately. The horses are really good at keeping all the above doom and gloom crap at bay. Tho' they ARE looking pretty smarmy these days. After all, thier hairless monkey servants appear each day to feed them, clean up after them and turn them out into the pasture...

I have a Debbie Riehl-Rodriguez clinic to look forward to on the 27th. Hopefully it won't be cancelled... better wipe that smug look off your face Sera, cuz this hairless monkey is gonna be loading YOU into the horse trailer!

Happy Christmas Eve - hope you enjoy the Christmas you want tomorrow!