Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I love me a good hot dog in the summer time! I don't eat them every day or anything but when we go to a ball game in Denver? I GOTS to have me a hot dog! Summer BBQs? I'll take a hot dog please!

I know they are all full of pig lips and assholes and rat turds and I don't care.

I went to my first BBQ of the season Sunday at our favorite neighbor's house. I'd just gotten home from my riding lesson on Sera, I sorta fixed my "smashed flat by a helmet" hair and I walked down the dirt road with a bottle o' brewski looking very much like a vagrant pulling sips on my beer...

I arrived, chatted, relaxed, ate some chips and guacamole, had another beer and noticed a plate with some cooked hamburger patties and ONE last hot dog. I began drooling like Homer Simpson in front of a donut. MMMMMM. That last hot dog had my name ALL over it.

I put it in a bun, slathered it with the fixin's and sat down to enjoy my FIRST summer hot dog.

Hmmmm. That's funny. It's sorta rubbery. I had to kinda gnaw thru my first bite.

Odd. It doesn't have that "hot dog" taste.

I figured I'd grabbed a hot dog cooked a while ago... you know how they can get a little chewy after they've cooled from the grill if they've been cooked too long? I shrugged and plowed right along. I'm nothing if not determined... some might say.... stubborn?

Our neighbors noticed me eating the last hot dog.... they looked at me wide-eyed.

"Shanster! That is a VEGGIE dog!"

Well hell. No wonder the damn thing had no flavor and was all chewy!

I can't believe I ate a veggie dog.

I've got nothing against veggies...or vegetarians... I like tofu, I like veggies, and veggie dishes or casseroles. I like portabella mushroom "burgers" and I understand the boca burger substitute. But why oh why would any one create a VEGGIE HOT DOG? Sweet muther of....

It's just wrong.
If you want to eat a veggie hot dog, you should really give it up and just become the carnivore you are.


Foxxy said...

Veggie dog? That is blasphemy against the "Church of Good Tasting Shit". I won't stand for it. We need a petition. You think Al Gore or Al Sharpton (either will do) will join our cause? An injustice to Shanster's hot dog is an injustice to dogs everywhere. I'm feeling dramatic today. Does it show?

DebH said...

Wow,,didn't know they even made those??? Any "veggie" instead of meat substitute is just not meant for human consumption!! Hope you went out and got some BallPark Franks to enjoy for yourself!!

Kelley said...

Well.. thank goodness you were so hungry after your lesson... because I've tasted one of those ... and I'm pretty sure I spit it back out. Sure... Porabella mushroom "burger' I'm ok with a Boca burger if I have to.... but you are right... either Eat a Damn HOT DOG hot dog.... or don't eat!!! It's just not right!

Shanster said...

Foxxy - whoa, you ARE feeling dramatic today! I agree about the church of good tasting shit but a petition sounds like too much work!

DebH - not yet, but my first summer hot dog will be that much better now!!

Kelley - No kidding... I thought maybe I'd just had one too many and that is why it tasted so wierd but usually beer makes things better... 'specially HOT DOGS!

Cheryl said...

As bad as they are, veggie dogs are just slightly better than a turkey dog. Hands down the worst will eat only if starving kind of meat out there. I still remember the last one I tried to eat with a shudder.

Madame K said...

LMAO@ Foxxy: "Al Gore or Al Sharpton (either will do)"

Can I has hotdog for brekfist?

Anonymous said...

HA, ha ha! Yes, when you're expecting a certain taste, and it's just not there, it's always disappointing.