Tuesday, February 2, 2016

It all goes back to your history

I'm working from home and listening to a Nia Shanks podcast with Tony Gentilcore.  They are both fitness industry peeps that know what they are talking about and they do really good things.  They both have blogs and facebook pages that have great stuff...

They are talking about Tony going to therapy and how it helped him.  How there is still stigma associated with it.

I agree with that and I think that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. on this planet could benefit from therapy.  I just do.  An objective look at your reactions and why you say the shit you say to yourself and why you react the way you do.

A big reason I struggle so much with The Barn People rejecting me and The Neighbors I Thought Were My Best Friends abandoning me... is cuz of my past.  All the shit going down now has hit my major buttons of alarm/distress/panic. 

It's really amazing how that stuff always comes back up.  Forces you to work thru it from all kinds of angles. 

In Nancy Verrier's book, The Primal Wound, she talks about when children are given up for adoption, and the mental ramifications of a mother giving up her child for that child as they grow.  I was not given up for adoption so there are many issues I don't deal with, however, my Mom left my sister and I at a very, very young age for a lot of reasons - none of which I can fault her for and it's a long story.... however, one of the biggest messages I took away from that as a kid is that "you are easy to leave - you don't matter". 

Pair that with growing up in a verbally abusive home with my Dad who was awarded custody... a man who grew up in a household of physical and sexual abuse himself.  And in the 70s therapy was even more stigmatized and he never got help.  He didn't know anything else.  The messages I received often and for years via screaming, pushing, shoving, hitting... were that I was no good and that is putting it lightly... heh.

I'm not telling you this for any sort of pity.  And I'm so not sad right now.  I'm in a good head space.  It is just what I know and omg my life is great and yeah, I had shit to work thru to create the life I wanted and for life be great... we ALL have shit to work thru.  We ALL have a story.  I certainly had it way better than many and shrug, maybe worse than many others.  That isn't the point.  The point is:

A divorce happens where I not only lose the person I was closest to for 17 years... but then what I thought were my support systems....people that had been so close to me for umpteen years......and they drop me like a nasty, oozing, highly contagious venereal disease... then proceed to shit talk me to death?

Hello buttons!  My old friends!  How much fun are you!?  Welcome back - here - lets give you a comfy little cot right over here in my head so you can stay a while!  Let's see juuuuust how much you can fester!  Wheeee!

I have had enough therapy in my life to recognize these are triggers.  And I know enough to check in with a therapist when I need to... she's given me good tools to combat that shit.  And I use this blog to get the stuff in my head out...it's cathartic.

However, listening to the podcast today - and those two talking about therapy and ... I wanted to just.... I don't know - therapy is amazing. 

When you are struggling you should go because it will help you immensely.  No one has to know... just go. 

When you break you leg, you go to a doctor. 

When your heart is broken and your mind is telling you a bunch of bullshit about yourself... go see a therapist. 

They will give you ways to mend your heart, let you know how you react in situations is so completely normal and they help you machete thru all the bullshit to find your new path.

No comments: