Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Loving What Is....

Is the title of a book I'm reading by Byron Katie.  I'm not really FULLY getting it or understanding it.  Think I'm being stubborn about it in my head and trying to clutch on to old ideas/notions. 

However - she said one thing that really resonated with me. 

OK - framework.

She was talking about how we create our own misery/anger/sadness etc. when we fight with reality.  And reality cannot be the past because it's over and reality cannot be the future cuz it's not here yet.  And how we are all tied to our "stories" and so much of these stories we tell ourselves aren't even true.  We can't know without a doubt that they are true.  Yes, they are true in our heads but that is the issue... we make up stories and then fight with reality and it causes us great angst.

One thing she said that was powerful to me was... what if you are just a woman sitting in your chair at work.. and that is it?  There is no past or future or story about you other than what IS.  The reality is  - you are a woman sitting in a chair at work. 

And that thought was actually super cool to me and exciting and freeing.  So I'm continuing on with her work and I don't fully grasp it or understand it and that is ok cuz at least I have that one piece that makes sense to me so far and that is pretty cool.

And I'm using it... sometimes my brain tries to go down a path that causes me yuck.  (fucking evil brain hamsters running on their eternal wheel of fuck-up-ed-ness all up in my head)

And I stop and think.  Nope.  You are a woman driving a car... that is it.  There is nothing else.  No past, no future... just NOW. 

It is the totality of BE HERE NOW.   Workin' on it.

Signed up for a Tough Mudder Half - 5 miles and like 13 obstacles.  My training is now more obstacle focused and with lots of cardio stuff thrown in during or after my strength stuff and it's HARD but I'm getting it.  And I'm like wow - holy shit - this is really gonna go down and I really NEED this prep work for it cuz my workouts are hard and they aren't 5 miles and 13 true hard-core obstacles.

I ordered a rope to practice rope climbs... it was on my doorstep this afternoon. EEEEEP!

It's gonna double as a super fun rope swing for us and my sister's kids and whomever else wants to play on it. 

AND I had a boudoir shoot last week.  Was totally freaked out about it... and no, I don't love my figure so much that I see no flaws - was afraid I would see every flaw I have and HATE my pix.  And it's not something I do generally... show a bunch of skin or exude sexuality cuz well... I'm 46 and have been so very married... and now in a relationship and I just don't flaunt shit or even WANT male attention like I did in my 20's out in the bars.

I don't hate them - I got a sneak peek of 4 pix.  I see the flaws... however, I don't really care.  I liked the pix and looking forward to seeing more.  I just want it documented - now at 46 yrs of age - that I was once in shape and maybe my sisters kids will find the pix one day when I'm old and withered in a nursing home, slumped in a chair, drooling on my chest and they will be surprised and think  "Oh shit!  Aunt Shannon had some balls and she was kind of hot too!"  Grin. 

Happy Wednesday.  I hope you are well and happy and moving forward in this big wide world.  Big love - S

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