Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Such is my life....

A co-worker of mine and I were talking about farmers/ranchers and alcoholic drinks... I used to wait tables at this funny, little restaurant frequented by farmer/rancher types.  When I asked someone at a table how they were, they responded with phrases like, "Finer than frog's hair parted 4 ways!".


Yes, I suppose that is pretty fine indeed.

I remember the Boot Scoot Boogey was the song played over and over and over on the jukebox over on the bar side if that gives anyone a time reference.

Anyway, this co-worker and I were talking about how many farmer/ranchers would order a Budweiser or Coors and add tomato juice to it.   Or they would order a beer and add a pretty fair shaking of salt to their beer.

Condiments I had not witnessed being added to beer in the college bar scene and a practice I don't see much of, if at all, when Furry Husband and I go out to eat, which isn't often.  We do most of our drinking at home, a glass of wine with dinner.  Our alcohol choices these days are bottled, microbrew beers and wine.

My co-worker mentioned that she bought a Budweiser brand beer that had Clamato already added to it... and she didn't care for it but she'd bring it in for me to try.  I never minded tomato juice or salt in my beer from my days back at this restaurant, I remember it being pretty tasty - and of course it's FREE.  I'm no dummy.  I'll take free food or al-key-hol any day.   I figure it'd be a kick in the pants to pour a glass of tomato juice beer and think back on those days of yore.  Of course I told her I'd give it a try.

She kept forgetting to bring it to non-work functions.  

Thursday before the New Year holiday she brought it to work wrapped up in a bag.  We aren't supposed to have ANY alcoholic beverages on our work campus.  I left it on my desk near my coat.... and I FORGOT it at work.


That night right before falling asleep, that lovely twilight when all things are calm and peaceful and floaty?

My eyes snapped wide open. 


I forgot that stupid beer on my desk! 

Yeah, it's wrapped up but what if a security guard or some other person gets all nosey and takes a look to see what it is??   I tossed and turned - fretting - and had a story made up if I should get busted.  It must've been a prank, I have no idea what it is or where it came from....

I went to work the next day and of course no one had even given it a second glance.  I put it IN my purse and at the end of the day, stopped a few places to run errands.  I took the beer out of my purse and set it in the passenger seat... I made it all the way home and as I was taking groceries out, the beer dropped in my driveway.

I heard a little "pfft".


I walked in the house, groceries and my Clamato beer in tow.

Sammy and Bequia, our old dogs, rushed to greet me.  Sammy wears a diaper because as he's aged, he's become incontinent.  We give him pheynolpolypropelene or whatever those pills are that help a dog keep his bladder tone but some days it just doesn't work.  His diaper was SOAKED through with a large pee spot on the floor where he'd been laying....

I took the diaper off and tossed it in the sink while rushing him outdoors... a little dribble of pee trailing on the kitchen floor marking his egress.

I let the young dogs out of their kennels....

I returned to the kitchen to investigate the warm Clamato Budweiser beer that had been in my purse and on the passenger seat of my car all day.  

Hmmm.  The top isn't open... did I imagine hearing that little "pfft" noise?

Maybe the hole is so small, I can't see it.  I squeezed the beer can... nothing.  No dribble o' beer.   I was looking the can all over, squeezed it again and a spray of beer shot out....there was a tiny, hairline, cut on the body of the can.  It must've landed on a rock or something just right....

I popped it open and poured the very warm beer down the drain.  All that fretting, my co-worker forgetting over and over about this beer.  So much effort... all down the drain.

It smelled like beer and tomato juice and dog pee.  It was a really gross combo of smells. 

I rinsed out the can for recycle.... hand washed Sammy's diaper....cleaned up the trail of pee on the floor... put everything back in order.....

Later that night, Furry Husband got home.  His eyebrows went up in a question... he picked up the empty tall boy of Budweiser Clamato beer.

"Uh.  Honey?  Do we need to have a talk?"

1 comment:

DebH said...

that sounds just like me! and on the Clamato?...I was waiting and hoping you got to try it!! Darn anyway, I tried those a couple years back and as for beer?, that's my preference. I know, but I like that salty clam taste as I can't really learn to like plain beer either. I'm one who HAS to put V8 in the brew to be able to drink it. But the Clamato on a hot long day of working outside and sweating? Thats the life...thats the life! Hope the next time, your sitting down with your feet propped up and enjoying a taste. Just make sure its cold!