I begin reading blogs about fighting, boxing, muay thai.... especially those written in a woman's voice. I want to know how they got started, what they think, how they are doing with it all. They must have had similar experiences in relation to being female in a men's club. I'm reading The Glowing Edge and 8 Limbs Us mostly. I am watching some highlight videos recommended to me from Coach J - Conor McGregor and JoJo Calderwood. Sometimes watching the youtube videos freaks me out. I'm not sure why. Just that I am such a beginner and those people are SO GOOD and have made it their job/life. And that isn't really my goal... to make this my job or life. So I get intimidated or overwhelmed or ...? I don't know. Something.
And then I give myself a talk - remind myself why I'm doing this. This is for the art of mastering my movement and becoming handy in using myself and handling myself.
A guy at work asks why I do this and why don't I just get a gun or pepper spray. Completely dismissing the effort to learn this. And to me that is such a misunderstanding. I want to rely on MYSELF and know that I am strong and know how to use myself to my advantage vs. relying on something else like a gun or mace. I don't know if that makes sense. And at the same time I don't think my learning this sport is a fail safe. I don't think because I will learn to strike and kick that I am invincible or that I can't be hurt or attacked.
However, it gives me a chance. A chance I didn't have before to suprise someone wanting to do me harm and get the hell out. It's a knowledge my muscles carry and my brain conveys adn that I carry with me always. I don't have to check my purse or my belt or my pocket to see if it's there, to see if the safety is off... it's a reliance on myself if you will. And I'm not condeming people that carry guns or pepper spray at all... to each their own. It's just that to me, it's important that I know what I am capable of and to use my own self - my own body to do it.
In the reading I've been doing, a lot comes down to sparring. To get better, you need to find sparring partners. I'm not a green shirt so I can't come to sparring class... and I started calling the gym and making noise... will there be other classes offered other than the 2x a week? Is there any other way to spar? If I asked other beginners to get together is that against gym rules? Would the gym have problems with that if some people got together to skill practice?
I become a complete pain in the ass.