Health Insurance

Got a call from my HR department about health insurance and how I have self + family and I could save $$ if I went with self + 1.  Well - I started poking around to fill out the form to change it.  Dave and I agreed that he'd stay on my insurance for a bit because the ins at his job is way more spendy but I found out that is a huge NO NO and can be construed as health insurance fraud.


Well shit.


Felt sick about it.  Called my insurance to make sure.  Yes.  They will backdate all my health insurance to the date the divorce was made final and I don't remember if I will be charged or Dave would be charged with the part insurance covered for any Dr visits he made between then and now.  And you know that shit isn't cheap. 


Of course I let him know immediately.  Then I had to get out of the office... go for a walk.  Was on the verge of tears - and I'm not really sure why?  Always think things are done and something comes back up that makes it hard.  Already bad enough I left and now I'm taking another thing away that was helpful.... granted, not of my will, but still... another thing I've done to him.


And sometimes when these things hit me?  I wonder if I'm having a panic attack cuz I literally cannot breathe...so hard to get air in...  I left the office and took deep gulps of air outside... MAKING myself breathe.  In thru the nose, out thru the mouth... you can breathe.  You've been doing it since you were a baby... just fucking BREATHE.


And I walked... and being outdoors, smelling the melty snow and wet earth... listening to the birds... hearing the nails of a jogger's dog behind me... train whistle... moving my body... focused on breathing...


It helped clear my mind and calm me down.  Nothing is different than it was yesterday other than $$.  It will be fine.  Let it go. 


Good things to look forward to?  Denver dog show this Saturday... possibly stopping to watch an Olympic Weightlifting Meet somewhere in Denver... taxes on Sunday - OK - not looking forward to THAT, but will be nice to have it over with.  And the weather is in the 50s and supposed to stay that way... and that is nice...feeling the sun on your face after a long winter?  Nothing can compare.