Country sayings

When I moved to Ft. Collins to go to Colorado State University, I waited tables at this funny rancher/farmer restaurant called The Hauf Brau. I guess there is a chain or was a chain with the same name in Denver. This Hauf Brau was NOT remotely connected to ANY chain restaurant.

The clientele of this place were farmers and ranchers. At Christmas-time, the local Harley Hogs would rent the entire restaurant for their Christmas shenanigans. The more they drank the better the tips and we all wanted to work that Christmas gig.

The BIG, BIG deal there was the Friday night prime rib dinner. Oh! I just remembered they had fried frog legs on the menu! I wore a black skirt and a white shirt - and the shorter my skirt, the better my tips were.

I asked a guy in the attached bar once, "How are you tonight?" before taking his order. You know - the standard wait staff greeting.

He replied, "Finer than frogs hair."

I didn't react, I took his order and went back into the kitchen where I told the other two waitstaff... " I think that guy out there said I have frog hair!" I mean - my naturally curly hair has known to get wildly out of control and it earned me nicknames in high school but um ... hmmmm. I've never had anyone tell me I had FROG hair. What does that even mean??

Someone explained it's an expression for people who feel FINE with a capital F! Frog hair (if they really did have hair) is so fine you can't even SEE it with the naked eye. So to be finer than frogs hair... well. You are pret-ty damn fine. A few weeks later someone responded to my polite "How are you tonight?" with, "I'm finer than frogs hair parted FOUR ways!"

Allrighty then!

Much, much later I worked at that feed mill where I learned some other funny sayings:

That dog'll hunt. Translation: That will work

That dog's not gonna hunt. Translation: That won't work

I'm so hungry I could eat the festered ass of a menstruating skunk! Nice huh? Somehow I don't think you need a translation for that one...

It's rainin' harder out there than a cow pissin' on a flat rock! Here's a 'nother one that doesn't need no translatin'

It's darker than the inside of a black cow at night out there! Translation: It is dark outside

Dumber than a bucket of hair. Now that is really dumb.

I'm Damn skippy! or That is damn skippy! Translation: I'm happy! That is a good thing.

And if you watch any old black and white movies? They have hilarious sayings... we watched one the other day and the lead actor said with a very serious and perfectly straight face to his leading lady:

"That's five day old fish and I'm not buyin' it"

Do you have any bizarre, quirky, fun, odd sayings in your repertoire? Let's hear 'em!