Breaking my cherry

I've never blogged before - this is my first post so please be kind. Hopefully my quirky, happy little life won't bore the pants off all y'all!

This is one thing my furry husband and I notice - we began talking like backward hicks to be funny to each other cuz neither of us have ever lived rurally. We are true city people who moved to the country and have been a prime source of entertainment for all of our neighbors. It truly is like the old t.v. sitcom - Green Acres.

Now, however, those goofy speech patterns just start flying outta our mouths without warning, which can be a bit horrifying! I think I just said to a co-worker the other day "wait, let me pick up them there papers".

Them there papers.

All my teachers from first grade through a Master's degree are screaming in abject horror.

We used to go to this little Friday night auction at Smelkers in town. Smelkers - yup - Smelkers sorta like the jelly but with oh so many more fruits! The auctioneer was the owner and the Pa to Curtis.

Poor Curtis - ol' Pa would be yellin' at him all the time "HOLD THAT OUTFIT UP SO PEOPLE CAN SEE IT CURTIS!" "BE CAREFUL WITH THAT CURTIS - SHOW THE PEOPLE CURTIS!"

Everything was "that there outfit" or "lookit this fine deal here" (deal - used as a noun). A lot of times Pa didn't seem to know what in the heck the item was that he was selling - and would refer to the item for sale as an outfit or deal.

The auction always started off with this item at $500. It could be one of those old t.v. consoles as big as a refrigerator, complete with fake, wood vaneer and a non-working, black and white t.v. set inside. $500.



"Who'll gimme $500 for this fine outfit? Lookit the vaneer on this here deal - you can't GET that now-a-days...."

You could practically hear the crickets chirp. (You couldn't actually SEE them thru the haze of cigarrette smoke but you could hear their tiny coughs and gasps for air) Pa would look around - see he had no fools in the crowd THIS Friday night and he'd bring the price down to $5.00 ---

"Who'll start me off with $5.00 for this shiny, shiny, gen-U-ine outfit? $5.00! $5.00!..... "

If no one bids, the price drops to $2.50. Still no takers?


"A dollar - who'll gimme a dollar for this here fine antique? CURTIS - get OUT of the way so the people can SEE!"


Someone generally takes the bait and starts 'er off and the bidding war is on.

I bought three lawnmowers and a small, rusty, metal garden cart - all one lot - (that there is auction speak for you city folk) at the bargain basement price of $1.00 one Friday night.

We were pretty strapped for cash, didn't have a working lawnmower and boy did that garden cart look mighty fine. F-I-N-E, FINE! The next day, we drove our 1973 International Harvester pick-up truck and took home all three lawnmowers and the garden cart.

One of the three mowers worked for two summers and we still use the garden cart - SIX yrs later! I'd say I got my dollar's worth that day...

We don't go to Smelker's any more. The owner/Pa died and I think Curtis is runnin' the show now - GO CURTIS! We have a small house and can't fit any more things inside. If you've ever been to an auction, you know that people can get carried away - I tend to be one of those people. Before you know it, I've spent my hard earned money and I have a semi-trailer load of junk to bring home.

I drive past and always think I should stop in to see how ol' Curtis is doing.